A Dirty Dirty Tree Fugger

The other day I explained to a chain-smoking urbanite that I rode my bike to work and back; it's 40km both ways, I said.

She, either in jest or complete seriousness (not sure, still), called me a "Tree Hugger", for not taking my car.

Does riding the ol' Bikarooski make me a hippy, earthy, tree-hugger, mh.net fans? (And if so, what's wrong with that?)

Well, as you can imagine, just after she--the SUV-driving, cigarette-consuming, yuppiespawn--made this reference, I had to make as witty a riposte as I could.

After a long pause, I retorted.

"A Tree Hugger, eh?" I began. "I guess if that means that yes, I do like to ride my bike and use a far more pleasurable, less-polluting, simple, exhilarating and healthy alternative to my big, stinky car, then yeah I'm a Tree Hugger. Is that so bad, my friend? If that's what you think of someone who is concerned about the environment, then why should I stop at hugging? Why don't I rip the bark off that tree, strip it down to its phloem and squeeze all the sap, grab its leaves and taste its pistillate? I'll wrap my arms around the trunk and reach for every fruit I can find, until the tree is dry to its pith; then I'll photosynthesize for hours and hours...I can last forever. Deciduous, Coniferous--I go both ways. So lock up your leaflets and hide your roots..I'm a biker and a tree-fugger..and proud of it."

From www.matthewhansen.net